The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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