Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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