I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
