my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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