Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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