I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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