Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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