i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
