He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
