I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
