finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
