If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
