Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
