does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
