Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize