i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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