Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
