Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
