if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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