i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
