Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
