i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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