Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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