I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
