you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
