if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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