Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
