I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
