you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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