I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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