Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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