he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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