I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
