You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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