I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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