Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
