We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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