Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
