I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
