Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
