Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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