I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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