Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
