I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
