dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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