once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
