just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
