At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
50% drunk capacity currently
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
