How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
