I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
