so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
