in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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