these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Please don't give away my fajitas
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
