my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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