I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
