They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
