I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You left your phone here
Wait...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
