Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
