You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
