You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
