she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
