Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
