i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
